Don’t Wait Until the Chair Is Empty to Discover the Value of Who Was Sitting There
There is a Yoruba proverb that says:“Ogún ọmọdé kì í ṣeré fún ogún ọdún.” Loosely translated, “twenty children cannot continue to play together for twenty years”.
For me, the key phrase is “play together”. Life moves. People grow. Careers happen. Families are established. Opportunities take us in different directions. Responsibilities increase. People relocate. Priorities change. In fact, if twenty young people remain in exactly the same place, doing exactly the same things twenty years later, perhaps we should even be asking whether they have truly grown.
Therefore, the fact that we can no longer play together as we once did does not necessarily mean that friendship must end. Sometimes separation is not evidence that something went wrong; it is simply evidence that life moved forward.
Growth may change the expression of a relationship without diminishing its value.
A true friend should not only be someone you see every day, but someone you still carry in your heart when life has taken both of you in different directions. Distance should not automatically become disconnection, and out of sight should not become out of mind.
Over the years, I have increasingly come to understand a simple but profound truth:
RELATIONSHIP IS AN ASSET.
Assets That Never Appear on a Balance Sheet!
When we hear the word asset, our minds naturally go to money, property, investments, businesses and possessions. But our assets go beyond what is in our wallets.
There is what is in your wallet—your financial resources.
There is what is in your head—your knowledge and experience.
There is what is in your hands—your skills, talents and abilities.
And then there are relationships—the people God has allowed your life to intersect with.
We insure our houses because they are valuable. We service our cars because we want them to last. We monitor our investments because we do not want to lose them. We continuously improve our skills because we recognise their value.
Yet sometimes we handle relationships—some of life’s most valuable assets—with surprising carelessness.
A disagreement that could have been resolved becomes years of silence. A phone call that should have been made keeps getting postponed. Pride prevents an apology. Busyness becomes an excuse for neglect. We assume people will always be there.
Until one day, the chair is empty.
And suddenly we understand what was sitting there. May we not discover someone’s value only when their chair becomes empty.
When a Relationship Speaks After You Are Gone
David and Jonathan give us one of Scripture’s most beautiful demonstrations of the enduring value of relationship.Years after Jonathan had died, David asked a remarkable question:
“Is there still anyone who is left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?”
— 2 Samuel 9:1
That question changed Mephibosheth’s life.
Mephibosheth was living in Lo-debar, far removed from palace life and seemingly forgotten. Yet one day, his name was mentioned in the king’s palace—not primarily because of something he had done, but because of a relationship his father had built years earlier.
Jonathan was gone. But his relationship was still speaking.
David restored Saul’s property to Mephibosheth and gave him a permanent place at the king’s table.
Think about that for a moment.
Jonathan’s friendship was still producing fruit after Jonathan himself had left the scene.
His relationship was speaking for his son when he was no longer there to speak for him.
Some relationships we build today may bless our children tomorrow. Seeds of kindness, loyalty, integrity, generosity and genuine friendship can produce harvests long after we have left the scene.
Relationship can have generational value.
He Had No Money, But He Left His Family Access
There is another fascinating example in 2 Kings 4.
A widow came desperately to Elisha. Her husband, one of the sons of the prophets, had died owing money. The creditor was coming to take her two sons as slaves in settlement of the debt.
Financially, the man had apparently left very little behind. His family was in debt.
But listen carefully to the widow’s words to Elisha:
“Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the LORD…”
— 2 Kings 4:1
Her husband may not have left her financial wealth, but he had left behind a relationship that gave his family access.
The widow could approach Elisha because there was an existing connection. Her husband’s relationship had outlived him.
That relationship did not itself cancel the debt, but it created access to the person through whom God’s direction for her deliverance came.
And then something else happened.
Elisha asked what she had in the house. She replied that she had nothing except a small jar of oil.
Then he instructed her:
“Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels; do not gather just a few.”
— 2 Kings 4:3
That instruction fascinates me.
The miracle required vessels, but the vessels were in other people’s houses.
She had the oil. Her neighbors had the capacity.And because she could approach them, what was in her house could multiply through what was available in theirs.Imagine if she had spent years quarrelling with everybody around her!
Imagine if she had burned every relational bridge.
Imagine knocking on ten doors when nobody wants to open because of how you have treated them. The miracle was God’s, certainly. The oil was God’s provision. But relationships provided some of the vessels through which the provision could expand.
There are things God has placed in your life, and there are things He has placed in the lives of people around you. Sometimes what God wants to accomplish requires the two to connect.
That is why we must never underestimate the people God places around us.
Relationship Is Not About Using People
There is an important caution here. To say that relationship is an asset does not mean that people should become tools for our advancement. That is not relationship; that is exploitation.
We should not build friendships merely because someone is influential, wealthy or useful. Genuine relationships are built on love, trust, integrity, loyalty, mutual respect and a willingness to give—not merely receive.
Ironically, the strongest relationships are often built long before anybody knows how valuable they may eventually become.
Jonathan did not befriend David because he knew that one day David would become king and care for his son.
He simply loved David genuinely.
Relationship is most powerful when it is genuine before it becomes useful.
Somebody May Be Carrying a Key to a Door You Have Not Yet Seen
Scripture repeatedly demonstrates that God works through people.Joseph interpreted dreams for Pharaoh’s cupbearer while both were prisoners. For a time, the cupbearer forgot Joseph. But when Pharaoh had a dream that nobody could interpret, suddenly the cupbearer remembered a relationship from prison.
He mentioned Joseph’s name. One relationship connected a forgotten prisoner to a palace.
Nehemiah carried a burden for Jerusalem, but his established relationship and credibility with the king gave him the opportunity to present that burden. The king subsequently granted him permission, letters and resources for the journey. God could have dropped building materials from heaven.
Instead, God used relationships.
This is why we should be careful about dismissing people because they do not presently appear important to where we are going.
You don’t know who somebody will become.
You don’t know what role you may someday play in their story.
And you don’t know what role God may have ordained them to play in yours.
Some people God brings into our lives may indeed become destiny helpers—people whose presence, counsel, encouragement, introduction, opportunity, prayer or intervention becomes significant at a critical junction in our journey.
Treat people well.
Not because you know what they can do for you, but because you don’t always know why God allowed your paths to cross.
Don’t Let Growth Become Disconnection
This takes me back to our Yoruba proverb:“Ogún ọmọdé kì í ṣeré fún ogún ọdún.”
Twenty children may not continue to play together for twenty years.And that is okay.
We may no longer live in the same city. We may no longer work in the same office. We may no longer attend the same school. Our children may grow up. Careers may take different directions. Seasons will change.
We cannot maintain every relationship at the same level of closeness, and neither should we try. Some relationships belong to particular seasons, and healthy boundaries are sometimes necessary.
But there is a difference between life changing a relationship and carelessness destroying one.
Call people sometimes without needing anything.
Celebrate their victories.
Show up when they are hurting.
Say thank you.
Apologise when you are wrong.
Forgive where forgiveness is possible.
Don’t allow every disagreement to become permanent separation.
Don’t make social media the only evidence that you are still connected.
Invest in people. Because relationship is an asset.
Don’t Build Relationships With Everyone and Lose the Most Important One
There is, however, a danger in talking about relationships only at the human level.
We can become so intentional about building relationships with people—friends, colleagues, mentors, leaders, influential people and potential destiny helpers—that we neglect the most important relationship of all: our relationship with God.
Jesus told the story of a young man who demanded his inheritance from his father and travelled to a distant country.
The Prodigal Son had resources.
He had money.
He had freedom.
And for a while, he apparently had people around him. But he had disconnected himself from the relationship that gave those resources their context.
Eventually the money disappeared. The people disappeared. The opportunities disappeared.
And the young man found himself in a place he never imagined he would be.
Then Scripture says something powerful:
“But when he came to himself…”
— Luke 15:17
He realised that the answer was not another connection in the distant country.
The answer was to restore the relationship he had walked away from.
He said:
“I will arise and go to my father…”. And that decision changed everything. The father was still there. The relationship could still be restored. And when the son returned, he discovered that what awaited him was more than food. There was restoration, identity, dignity, covering and belonging. The robe returned. The ring returned. The sandals returned. And the celebration began. He returned to relationship. The Vertical and the Horizontal. Perhaps that is where our understanding of relationship must ultimately land.
There is a vertical relationship—our relationship with God.
And there are horizontal relationships—our relationships with the people God places around us.
We need both in their proper order. We must never become so connected to people that we become disconnected from God. Human relationships cannot replace divine relationship.
Jesus said: “Abide in Me, and I in you… for without Me you can do nothing.”— John 15:4–5
Our relationship with God must remain the foundation. And when that relationship is healthy, it should influence the way we relate to people. The closer we walk with Christ, the more our lives should reflect love, grace, forgiveness, integrity, humility, faithfulness and kindness.
Abiding in Christ should make us better at relating with people.
So build relationships. Preserve friendships. Value people. Stay connected.
Be the kind of friend whose name can still open a door for someone’s child years after you are gone.
Be the neighbor whose door people are comfortable knocking on—and live in such a way that you can also knock on theirs.
Recognize the destiny helpers God sends your way, and equally important, recognize that you may be the destiny helper God has sent into someone else’s life.
But above everything else, guard your relationship with God.
Because ultimately, the greatest relationship you will ever build is not with the person who can get you into a palace.
It is with the Father who determines your destiny.
Twenty children may not play together for twenty years, but the relationships formed along the journey can continue to speak long after the playground is empty.
Relationship is an asset.
And sometimes, its true value is not revealed until years later.
Don’t wait until the chair is empty before you discover the value of who was sitting there.
